An Inside Job in an Outside World

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"Sponsorship after Step Work"

It is always risky to estimate when challenges will emerge in the recovery of the new member in your sponsorship. Even the most common among them has the habit of "popping up" when least expected. Nonetheless, important sponsorship work will continue for the new AA after his initial journey through our 12 Steps.

Our 12 Steps establish a critical new framework (Remember the "old ideas" mentioned in the beginning of Chapter 5?) -- [BB - p58 - "We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."] of all the essential "new ideas" which on-going, satisfying sobriety will require. However, once the two of you have carefully gone through the 12 Steps along with the remainder of our basic text, the new man will be squarely confronted with the task of applying the decisions he has made and the information he has gathered about his alcoholism to the day-to-day affairs in his sober life.

Now, right on to the "risky estimate" mentioned earlier. 

The experience of some of the more perceptive AA's suggests that around, say, the first to third years of AA sobriety the new man may encounter what might be called a "crisis of externality." Of course, we would be remiss if we were not to carefully define just what is meant by the use of such an unusual term here. 

The Nature of "Externalities" in Recovery 

"Externalities" refer to matters on the outside of the new member's sober life. Things such as jobs, girlfriends, cars (with decent tires, brakes and insurance...) and money are all "externalities" which have been made possible by his sobriety and spiritual commitment. Given the grave state most AA's were enduring when they first came to our program, the introduction of all these "creature comforts" already marks an astonishing accomplishment indeed. 

In the content of Redux on this site a very serious effort was made to differentiate between the Disease of Alcoholism and the consequences of alcoholism. [REDUX - Early Sponsorship Points, search word: "consequences" - Our new member will get an extensive picture of consequences. It is important that, from the very beginning, he understands that these consequences are not the disease of alcoholism. Consequences, one thing. Disease, another thing!] Of course, many -- but certainly not all -- of the consequences could be considered externalities. But, along with the frustrated judge, the desolated girlfriend or the disgusted boss -- and other common externalities -- came the inner torment of the untreated disease, that is, the internalities.

Most AA's were tragically familiar with both sides of the disease's destructive "one-two punch." 

However, the same sort of comparison is appropriate for matters on the positive side of the equation. Recovery will certainly include evidence of improvements in the externalities which ushered the frightened alcoholic into his first meeting room, but those improvements in the life of new AA are just that, externalities. Just as "drinking was a only symptom of our disease," [BB - p64 - "Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions."] in the broadest sense, these improved life situations can be considered "only a 'symptom' of our recovery."

However confusing the proposition might be, such improvements must not be mistaken for the more important "internal recovery" from the disease which afflicts us. In a way quite similar to mistaking consequences for disease, mistaking external improvements for inner recovery can lead any AA to a dangerous cul-de-sac where continued spiritual development seems to be measured merely by the metric of accumulating possessions and the absence of more consequences. 

Our basic text, the AA "Big Book," emphasizes over and over the importance of sincere, spiritual kinds of reorganization in the thought life -- the internalities -- of the alcoholic. The steps themselves were constructed to introduce a very deep kind of spiritual penetration into the thinking of a new AA member. Undoubtedly, among the common obstacles its authors targeted, they were addressing a superficial understanding and acceptance of spiritual progress.[BB - Doctor's Opinion - "Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight." and, p60 - from "How It Works," Chapter 5.] As such, this approach represents a dangerously "low octane" version of the "depth and weight" mentioned in the Doctor's opinion.

Certainly this may present a challenging opportunity for sincere sponsors to adopt the "love and tolerance" elements of our code [BB - p84 - " Love and tolerance of others is our code."], but that burden should only be a temporary one. After all, most new AA's have only observed such a "deflecting spirituality" in their exposure to churches and evangelicals in their experiences previous to entering the AA program.

When it's time to begin step work, one side of the effort will always be to engender a far more determined appetite for real spiritual growth, that is, a personal, eager and robust adoption of ideas about an"internalized" spiritual change. Many of our traditional AA meeting habits seem to encourage just the opposite. 

Such practices as the "Responsibility Pledge," public prayer in meetings and endless "testimonials"describing an AA's special relation to a personal deity are all invitations to manifest more untreated self-will -- especially in relation to the "self-seeking" so aptly presented in Chapter Five [BB - pages 61, 62, 67, 84, 86 and, Redux - Step 4]. Such a criticism implies no blanket condemnation of such habits when tastefully conducted on a personal basis, but when such an ill considered image is offered as an exclusive requirement for recovery, the mischief begins.

The point here is that, although these practices contradict our program's Traditions in a negative way, they can also contaminate the centrally important internal side of a new member's spiritual development, too. Naturally, the sincere and determined AA sponsor will want to address this directly in the man he strives to assist. 

Let's examine this idea a little more closely. Perhaps a hypothetical example will help.

An Example of Externality -- 

Signs of a Problem

We can "visit" your hypothetical sponsee in his second year of continuous sobriety. His affairs have come"back together" in a very promising way in terms of rebuilding all the external features of a successful life. In fact, when the man in your sponsorship finds himself speaking to an even newer member, it is likely that these will be precisely the issues he compares -- before and after [[BB - p58 - "Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now."] -- as he describes the benefits of his sobriety.

Importantly, this is, most likely, just as it should be. The confused and frightened new member is totally concerned with the disasters of his untreated alcoholic life. The improvements the man in your sponsorship can relate to him will "hit the nail on the head" in terms of relevance and inspiring hope. Your man's description of such material advantages of sobriety really are the "currency of the moment."

Further, after such a successful and promising discussion of his AA experiences, your man may well enjoy some heartfelt gratitude about his improved situation. However, it is right here that the "Externality Trap" can gain a destructive foothold. Of course, he discussed the matters which were "front and center"in the mind of the new alcoholic with whom he was speaking, but can those same issues become his own, internal concept of his own recovery?

The first of several difficulties which may be introduced by this is that of "conditionality." Sobriety, achieved the way we do it in AA, is unconditional. However, when the validity of that sobriety begins to become attached to externalities, the spiritual -- "unconditional" -- nature of it is undercut. What will happen when those external improvements become a discouraging collection of frustrated dreams?

Worse, even though this is an admittedly hypothetical example, those discouragements may be accompanied by all manner of "unfairness," resentments and fear. If the sobriety at the man's foundation is dependent upon such matters, that is, upon such externalities, there may be serious trouble brewing.

A second possibility as we look at this list of difficulties is that of "competition." Any sizable group of sober AA's will include a wide variety of levels of success in the external accouterments of sobriety and recovery. Some members will seem to "riding high" with all sorts of success stories -- jobs, money, wives and so on -- while others, sober for similar periods, are still struggling to make ends meet. [BB - 84 - "...sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly." and, Redux, Step 9, "The Promises"]

Because of this, there is a possibility of considering these sorts of differences with a comparative interest to "gauge the quality of one's sobriety." After such conclusions have a chance to "sink in," the almost inevitable long term result can be using these methods to evaluate the quality of one's own recovery. Can such an outcome ever be the goal of responsible sponsorship?

The content of Redux repeatedly emphasizes the critical importance of the "depth of field" employed when one considers his own sobriety and recovery. It is not a difficult task to mouth the familiar "talking points" associated with this matter. "It's an inside job." "The real trouble turned out to be between my ears." "Once the alcoholic drinking stopped, the alcoholic thinking and behavior really became obvious." [BB - 83 - "Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead."]

We have all attended meetings where an outside observer might conclude that we were judging something akin to a "win friends and influence people," "toastmaster" contest. The externalities flow like veritable rivers for the entire discussion while internalities seem to be carefully avoided. If there are new members present, it's even worse.

An Anecdote from an Actual AA Meeting

A mere week ago, I attended a meeting which routinely demonstrates some of the best meeting structure, that is, many of the most admirable qualities possible in an AA meeting. There are always plenty of both experienced AA's along with very new, new members. In this case, the meeting chairman neglected to assign a member the task of calling the topic, and at the last minute, asked this author to take that responsibility.

Selected at the spur of the moment, the idea of Step 12's "spiritual awakening" was presented for our topic. The interesting point was that, while many of the less experienced members were quite comfortable commenting in such a discussion, many of those with more sobriety strangely "passed" when called on to speak. In fact, these more seasoned AA's, usually notably effective and adept at presenting important and relevant comments on sobriety when new members were present, found that prospect somehow uncomfortable in this case.

What does this tell us? What does it mean as we consider its relation to the responsibilities of good sponsorship? As sincere sponsors, we would prefer that our sponsee be thoughtful and fluent in all aspects of our program. Further, we are not discussing simply a thorough "education" about the AA program and the basic text. Our program's ideas about sobriety and recovery have either "sunk in" or they haven't.

The model of recovery existing in the minds of these seasoned AA's had become a convincing amalgam comprised of a comparison of conditions before and after sobriety coupled with an account of the desirable external benefits which accompanied a cessation of drinking. Some critically important facets of AA-style sobriety seemed to be missing.

Perhaps these long sober AA's had conveniently replaced the deep spiritual challenge of recovery with more easily cited "externalities," satisfying themselves that accounting such external developments would suffice on its own. At this point, phrases from Redux rush into the fray. The "whiskey bottle and car wreck" crowd, although undeniably useful in "First Step" meetings, found themselves awkwardly sidelined when it was time to discuss their spiritual awakenings.

There is the chilling presence of one of the most aggressive phrases from Redux. "Nothing is Real." When this is applied to something as central as a "spiritual awakening," it can imply that there is something"unreal" at hand. A reluctance on the part of experienced AA's to openly and comfortably discuss the matter can hardly be considered sincerely sharing "experience, strength and hope" with the newest members in the meeting.

Yet, there it was in the first words of Step 12. The impact of the first eleven steps is stated incontrovertibly, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps..." Our basic text presents that "awakening," clearly the target or goal of previous step work, as a continuous foundation for successful sobriety.

Why would an AA who has enjoyed long term sobriety find it somehow perplexing to discuss such an obviously relevant topic? More important, what will a new member derive from observing this hesitant behavior in meetings?

Foremost in this discussion, what can a sincere sponsor do to combat the rise of this dangerous superficiality in the man he sponsors?

A Sponsorship Discussion 

After Step Work: Sincerity

There is no intellectual equivalent to the "inner fire" of real, material, "boots on the ground" spiritual development. No matter the thoroughness of a new member's thoughtful approach to step work, the appeal of gradually adopting an "ossified," abstract model of our program's spiritual requirements is apparently a continuing possibility. As mentioned before, such difficulties seldom emerge while the struggle with drinking is the main topic on the table. They show up later.

However, after sobriety has become well established -- especially in the absence of the new man's work in active sponsorship -- what had originally been a spectacular new spiritual approach can gradually become dangerously hum-drum. When an AA begins to validate his recovery in ways based on these external qualities of sobriety, one of the first casualties can be his inner view of the process. That wonderful excitement fades into the theoretical, especially with respect to the spiritual side of things.

A Personal Account 
From My Early Sobriety

Why is this uncomfortable topic presented here? There are two important reasons.

First, this author experienced "first hand" the dangerous slump in sobriety's "excitement levels" during his own early association with the AA program (around two years of sobriety). A relentless sponsor kept insisting that the spiritual side of things must penetrate to a permanent, workable level. Such an unceasing demand seemed dogmatic, arbitrary and quite unfair at the time.

Had this guy been insisting that I become a modern day St. Thomas Aquinas?

In fact, in a certain modified sense, the answer was a qualified "yes." He explained to me that my approach was strictly intellectual and superficial -- and, most importantly, inadequate. Far from criticizing my efforts, he went on the explain that I had probably never seen any examples of the style of spirituality he was insisting that I must adopt.

However, that was not to be any sort of excuse. I was to "discover" what his insistent demands meant in my own inner life and get busy. There would be no patient, detached waiting for divine intervention. I would be entirely responsible for my own survival and that meant that I would also be entirely responsible to "do something" about the dangerously shallow approach I had naturally taken when confronted with the necessity of spiritual growth in my AA sobriety.

The second reason emerged later. In my own sponsorship of other AA's I was then unavoidably confronted with the same aspect of what our basic text describes as "the spiritual malady." I kept encountering this specific difficulty with new AA's who, although they had completed step work with great enthusiasm, later on found themselves "burned out" by meetings, the demands of on-going spiritual progress and the"irritating" self-discipline of adhering to our program's central principles.

The setting for such a subtle discontentment seemed to run along common lines. In fact, we can revisit the hypothetical example we met earlier.

"Here I am. It appears that most of the things which were tormenting me -- and inspiring me -- when I finally reached AA have been rectified. My sober life has been richly filled with what I had longed for so desperately while I was still drinking. My greatest worries and concerns have gradually subsided. Yet, now, when it seems that I should be quite satisfied with these improved outcomes, I find myself in an unexpected malaise. Is this what I must expect? Is this what I should accept as I continue in my sober life?"

An Esoteric View of the 

Problem and Its Solution

There seems to be a mechanism deep within a recovering alcoholic -- or anyone else for that matter -- which is innately skeptical. Further, this "skepticism" apparently has a "life of its own." Intellectual ideas, no matter how firmly held, don't seem able to penetrate or relieve the suspicions this thing generates and inserts into one's thoughts. Applications of common sense, references to sources with great authority and even one's own experiences remain unable to persuade such a mechanism to relent and to return to being calm and productive again.

Here, two challenges face the determined sponsor. The first is that his charge is becoming less and less satisfied with his sobriety, and the second is that the man in his sponsorship is unable to convincingly "put a finger" on exactly what is bothering him. This problem, when viewed from a lack of experience with longer term sobriety, seems mysterious indeed to him.

For the new man, this dissatisfaction seems irrational. Gnawing suspicions begin to arise -- "Was I expecting too much from sobriety?" "Have I done something wrong with the work I have completed so far?" "All my AA friends view my sobriety as quite successful." In more precise words, "Why haven't these externalities made me happy just as they were 'supposed to' -- as I assumed they would?"

The startling fact is that this new member has revisited Chapter Six's discussion of the actor. Of course, in sobriety there have been a few modifications to the scheme. Instead of lamenting a "reputation in the eyes of others" which he does not deserve, he now faces the reality that he has again become an "actor"even as he has entered his own recovery.

The problem has become one centered on his "reputation" of himself in his own eyes. The mysterious"mechanism" causing all this trouble is nothing less than his new, robustly healthy and energetic, sober conscience. Your sponsee is not hearing specific words as he receives this message from his conscience, but the feelings which result from it are unavoidable.

There is a new "elephant in the living room." His living room. An AA in recovery seldom finds the prospect of being a fraud all that pleasant. The "secret" isn't too reassuring when he realizes that has been trying to defraud himself.

The sincere sponsor can answer the hypothetical questions the new man posed above one at a time. Further, the answers may reveal the incomplete aspects of his sponsee's work so far and provide a clue concerning a good direction from here.

"Expecting too much from sobriety?"

Although this conclusion might seem to be a workable solution to the new man's lack of satisfaction, the exact opposite conclusion may be a far better one. The central theme of an "under estimation" works both ways! Not only has the man in sponsorship come to under estimate the ultimate satisfaction possible with AA-style sobriety, he has also under estimated the inner work entailed by our program.

Far from criticizing his effort at being sincere, an experienced sponsor will actually consider his arrival at this juncture to be the sign of even better things to come! It may seem to be simply another dangerous"resting place" along the journey to an effective and successful recovery, but, in fact, it is a predictable -- and desirable -- evidence of a growing self-awareness.

After all, inventory and the self-observation invoked by his other step work has certainly begun this process of transformation in the sponsee, but now this uncomfortable, suspicious sensation has come up to motivate further work. All the things he has learned, everything he has discovered about himself and his alcoholism and the full body of theory concerning the necessity of spiritual progress presented in step work are now suddenly back on the table.

It turns out that his expectations about sobriety were, in fact, too limited, but it also turns out that his estimate of the seriousness and sincerity required in his own efforts at fully and completely applying our program's spiritual side had been mistakenly characterized as externalities at the expense of necessary internalities. The sponsor's task is to make this obstacle crystal clear.

"Is there something wrong with the work I've done so far?"

Of course, the answer is a resounding "No -- not at all!" The promising aspect of this question is that it reveals an understanding that, even after completing successful step work, the process of recovery continues. Your sponsee's most recent troubling situation is to be expected -- even hoped for -- because it heralds his engagement in this next stage of completing his recovery.

Just as a crime detective analyzes a homicide, your sponsee is now equipped with all the elements necessary for him to proceed. As a result of working our program's 12 Steps, he has everything to understand his own part in his situation -- motive, opportunity and mechanism. Keeping all these challenges and opportunities in a constructive perspective is the job which falls to his sponsor.

This is no time for pessimism or despair. On the contrary, the possibility of a return of that initial excitement represents the true goal.

"All my AA friends think 
that I'm doing just great."

Of course, based on what they see, this conclusion seems completely reasonable. However, based on what your sponsee feels, his recovery remains suspiciously incomplete. In this case, his sponsor must make certain that what he feels "trumps" what everyone else may see. We know that successful recovery is evidenced far more by the sensation of it than its appearance to outside observers, no matter how perceptive and sincere they may be.

Our basic text does not present the observations of others as the exclusive measure of successful recovery.

Your sponsee's first journey was to a workable, sustainable sobriety. Now, the time has arrived for internalizing, personalizing and individualizing all the parts of the recovery he seeks -- including the goal of spiritual progress, the engine of all improvement. The basic nature of recovery hasn't changed, but his understanding of his part in it has matured. The successful, sober AA is sober on the inside -- through and through -- regardless of what he may look like on the outside.

Adopting this new point of view requires accepting a new, deeper responsibility on the part of your sponsee. The challenge becomes clearer. He must be responsible for and trust in his own judgment now. The "stakes" have grown larger, but so has the "prize." Further, that "prize" is far too valuable to allow it to be lost by a simple oversight or misinterpretation of AA's promise of a complete recovery!

Our basic text was not just "whistlin' Dixie" when it presented the dangers of "resting on our laurels."When we realistically face the apparently perpetual "killing power" of our Disease of Alcoholism, we see that quietly accepting our natural inclination toward a shallow or superficial concept of recovery is almost as dangerous as drinking more. Although this condition may emerge later in sobriety, our spiritual commitment will guarantee that, along with sincere sponsorship, an abiding, constant vigilance will be there too!

Welcome your new man to the real world of successful sobriety. A quite reasonable expectation of sobriety is that the results of all an AA's work, effort and determination will constantly mature into something different but even better! This juncture may well mark an important landmark -- the formation of another great sponsor in his own right and the birth of another one of those "old timers" we rely on and value so much.