Examining the Serenity Prayer

Another Look At the Serenity Prayer

Part of  Sponsorship After Step Work

Many different parts of the AA program help describe the spiritual malady underpinning our Disease of Alcoholism. One of these moves squarely into the light as we consider the great value of the Serenity Prayer to the recovering alcoholic. Of course, as is the case with many of the AA program's jewels of wisdom, the immense usefulness of the Serenity Prayer only fully emerges when we experience it in action in our own, personal sobriety. 

Our memories of such an event quickly migrate to a well deserved place in our "experience, strength and hope" repository. The situations which arise as an AA experiences sobriety almost always include some real challenges, and the Serenity Prayer has a wonderful history of providing "the first line of defense" when things get testy. It seems to always remind us of some very important, larger ideas, even in moments when we may not be thinking very clearly. 

Non-alcoholics enjoy the opportunity to view reality as a river, flowing by them, filled with various elements -- some pleasant, some not. These non-alcoholic people seem able to "dip a toe" into the water as they decide how involved they will get with any specific feature of the reality they are encountering. 

Alcoholics suffering from the effects of the untreated disease view this a little differently. They see the events in their lives as a fire hose pointing directly at their faces! For them, the prospect of quietly deciding how involved they will become with any particular part of their reality is out of reach. For them, it seems, the only available choice is to desperately survive drowning in the rush of events! It appears to these alcoholic people that they have no other options but to endure this penetrating flow of reality as a relentless, full force flow of "hurts or threats" "real of imagined." 

This is one aspect of our experiences with the disease which makes the idea -- and the goal -- of serenity a rich prize indeed as both a benefit of recovery and an important tool along the way. The value of courage, considered in the same context, follows quickly along the same lines. When the Serenity Prayer speaks of both serenity and courage, not to mention the wisdom idea, its relevance and utility become clear right away. 

How often, still suffering from the "fire hose" idea of reality, have alcoholic AA's found a steady, new hope in the ideas of the Serenity Prayer! It's clearly worth its weight in gold! For our newest members who are still in the familiar "slug fest" with wanting to drink, frustration with the wreckage of their affairs and discouragement about their decision to stay sober, the prayer offers an invaluable, constantly available dose of "hope for the moment." 

Further, the Promises presented in the discussion of Step 9 are, among other things, a direct opportunity to observe the striking advances in serenity, courage and wisdom which comes with step work, sponsorship and the rest of the AA program. Just as is the case with many other things discussed in our basic text, recovery needs to include a frank realization of the progress AA's enjoy, and advances in serenity, courage and wisdom may as well be "front and center" as evidence! 

AA's -- including this author -- have a special appreciation and reverence for the Serenity Prayer. It is widely known among inquisitive AA's that this wonderful prayer did not originate in our program (the original was apparently written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr), even though it has, in uncounted occasions, provided recovering alcoholics with "just what was needed" in those moments of serious challenges to our sobriety. The ideas of the Serenity Prayer have given us clarity when it often seemed that no other part of the AA program could handle the job! 

Without too much investigation we find this powerful prayer written in two versions. The actual difference are subtle ones -- not a topic which can offer much to our newest members. However, in the quieter times of sponsorship after step work, these differences can make for an interesting discussion and an opportunity to look even more carefully at the concepts in our amazing program. 


Moving Ahead to the "Deluxe Version"
of the Serenity Prayer

The question here has to do with the word "the." Of course, it necessarily also has to do with an expansion of our thoughts as we express the prayer.

A quick look at the two versions mentioned reveals the difference in meaning. 

Version One, in the form most often heard in AA meetings: "God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change; the COURAGE to change the things I can; and the WISDOM to know the difference." 

Version Two, expressed without the word "the," is a slightly less common form: "God grant me Serenity to accept things I cannot change; Courage to change things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." 

Is Redux "splitting hairs" here? 

Not really. 

As mentioned before, these fine divisions will mean little to the new member who is centrally focused on not drinking, but in our sponsorship after step work, the time to "peel even more layers" from the onion has probably arrived. A sincere sponsor will make the effort to fine tune every advantage offered by our program, including the Serenity Prayer, as a solid foundation for his sponsee's continuing recovery and spiritual progress. 

Before we start our discussion of the different ideas of the two versions, let's take a sample of the routine English to examine the alternate meanings. Your friend walks up with a very full back pack, and you ask him what he is carrying. His answer can be expressed in both ways with an obvious departure in the corresponding meaning of each. 

Version One: "I have brought the things." 

Version Two: "I have brought things." 

In the first case, his answer implies a collection of things which are, somehow, connected and specific, perhaps things with a specific purpose. In the second case, his answer simply implies a variety of things which may or may not be connected in a specific way or purpose. 

Version One of our Serenity Prayer asks for "the" serenity to accept "the" things we cannot change. The implication is clear. We are not asking for serenity to accept all things -- only the serenity we need to accept certain things. This implies that the rest of the things we need to accept, we will handle on our own. No additional serenity will be required. 

Likewise, a similar meaning emerges from the prayer's second phrase. When we ask for "the" courage to change "the" things we can, our prayer implies that, in some cases, our courage is already sufficient where we don't find ourselves reluctant or fearful as we decide to make changes or when the subject of the changes is manageable. 

The point here is that AA's might need to think of the necessity of serenity and courage in all matters they encounter. The full spectrum of serenity includes everything. Setting serenity as a goal is entirely consistent with the Step 9 Promise which describes it as one of the benefits of our recovery. 

As to courage, Redux emphasizes the idea that sobriety is for neither the timid nor the falsely humble. Rather than thinking of needing courage only in specific, difficult situations, wouldn't it make more sense to ask for courage in all situations? Courage to remain "true to ourselves" and to the AA program? 

Further, when we exchange the idea of "change" with the idea of "control" -- after all, if we can change things to be the way we want them, those things are under our control -- Version One of the Serenity Prayer actually begins to take on some suspicious meanings of its own. Many AA's openly speak of the crushing demand for control which characterized their alcoholic drinking and alcoholic thinking history. 

A complete recovery from the Disease of Alcoholism is not based on "gaining control" of unchangeable or uncontrollable things any more than it is on the idea of accepting that reality is simply a stream of events which are either controllable or not. In recovery, we alcoholics clearly need to move beyond the "control" idea entirely. Viewing our world in that light never really worked out for us while we were still thinking -- and drinking -- like alcoholics, and there is little reason to suspect that such an approach will be much more successful in recovery. 

Remember, "And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol." (BB p84) 

Our association with AA, step work and spiritual progress all suggest that recovery will be leaving that alcoholic obsession with controlling everything -- or, anything -- behind as we make spiritual advances toward the sanity of Step 2 and the Promises of Step 9. For us, the idea of a world separated into "controllable" and "uncontrollable" things must become a part of our alcoholic history, not our future lives in recovery. 

Of course we intend to "meet calamity with serenity," (BB p68) but how about the goal of meeting everything with serenity?  A satisfying, successful life in recovery is founded on the idea that, as we will make spiritual advances, we will move toward a state where we are serene all the time, not just when we find ourselves in some frustrating situation we cannot control. 

The undeniable evidence of spiritual progress cannot be limited to successfully surviving calamities. Complete recovery suggests that spiritual progress -- and, hence, serenity -- will become a constant part of our lives in sobriety! Why would an AA aspire for anything less? 

Redux has mentioned the spiritual aspect of risk taking in the discussion of step work. The courage in the second phrase of the Serenity Prayer has everything to do with this idea. The darkness of the spiritual malady always seemed to instantly suggest the very worst possible outcomes in the thoughts of the untreated alcoholic. Outcomes so negative that we almost never took a chance on the prospect that everything would simply work out in the end. 

Recovery changes that equation. When the crippling spiritual sickness begins to subside, we alcoholics gradually become ready to take some chances again. Our new spiritual basis has redefined reality into a much more objective view where good intentions and the actions which derive from them can actually be expected to produce good results. 

Still, all this means very little if one lacks the courage to forge ahead! The Serenity Prayer's admonition to go ahead and be courageous arises from a new trust in our spiritual understanding, a renewed confidence in our judgment resulting from spiritual progress and a realization that "all the spirit in the world" won't matter much if not coupled with good motives and well reasoned action. 

For example, can the man in your sponsorship expect to effectively carry the message to those who suffer simply by having a comfortable, internal spirituality which never actually does anything? Of course not. That moment when an AA decides to act can be breathtaking in the beginning, but the task gets much more comfortable as the AA who accepts it becomes more experienced. 

Such a development of "increased understanding and effectiveness" (BB p84) is a personal journey to the courage in the second portion of the Serenity Prayer. 

As to the wisdom mentioned in the prayer's third part, it may be a bit pretentious to characterize the "better thinking" which results from recovery as some sort of esoteric wisdom. On the other hand, why not? The answers we get after we are sober are clearly better -- and wiser -- than the answers we were getting before! 

In any event, "wisdom" concerning "which things we can change and which things we can't change" becomes much less important after we quit dividing the events of the world into those two categories. Just as was the case with serenity and courage, why not aspire to good sober "wisdom" all the time? 

The wonderfully brighter and clearer outlook which follows sincere spiritual progress equips sober AA's to make wiser and more effective choices. The greatly improved motives which result from emerging from that relentless fear of everything provide the light that will illuminate this wisdom and guide our actions. 

So, why not consider going for the "deluxe version?"

Man! What a great deal!